


I get lonely but never alone

by phalangine



Category: Constantine (TV)
Genre: Getting Together, Multi, Polyamory, sometimes you've just got to get dicked down and zed gets that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 11:02:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19789540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phalangine/pseuds/phalangine
Summary: The surprisingly quick journey of three people from friendship to being together





	I get lonely but never alone

**Author's Note:**

> title from "casina" by run river north

**Part One**

It’s funny, Zed thinks as she idly watches her de facto roommates argue over when borrowing becomes theft. Chas and John have personalities so different, they come full circle and wind up being the same.

It’s easy to like Chas. He’s a straightforward, soft-hearted kind of guy- maybe he’s not the most handsome man out there, but there’s something compelling about him, something in the warmth of his eyes that makes him a special sort of desirable. And he’s the kind of guy you know you can call at one AM when you’re lost in a place you don’t know and one small step from a panic attack, and he’ll be pulling on his pants before you have to ask.

John is more abrasive. He’s pushy and sharp and always moving, always doing something. It suits him, though. Makes sense in the context of his sharper good looks and the constant whirring of his mind. He’s not the type you call when you need a ride, but there’s a good chance he’s already there with you. His concern is carefully disguised, but it’s there all the same.

So different, yet they both carry their guilt around their necks like they don’t know anything else can be done with it.

Zed has spent her time at the mill house getting to know more about Chas and John, collecting the sorts of details that fill them out in her mind, give her mental images of them depth.

The cornerstone of it all is: John acts and Chas reacts. It’s a constant in their relationship, tying them together like a weight and counterweight constantly struggling to maintain equilibrium. 

An observant person can see it play out live. John starts fidgeting, and Chas goes still. John gets pushy, and Chas gets apologetic. John doubts, and Chas becomes certain.

If she had to guess, Zed would say it’s unconscious. John resists any attempts by someone who isn’t him deciding anything about him, and Chas just naturally dislikes chaos. They probably fell into this unending cycle of John throwing things out of balance and Chas trying to put them back completely by accident, and neither of them seems to realize that the cycle itself is a problem. It confines them, and over time, they’re going to resent each other for it.

A few yards away, John and Chas are still arguing.

Chas is shaking his head.

Zed looks at them and wonders what it would take to feel Chas’ whiskers and John’s quick fingers. She can imagine it clearly: the three of them on a big bed somewhere, John’s fingers working her open, Chas kissing his way down her belly. It’s a selfish daydream, but that doesn’t mean she can’t have it.

That doesn’t mean she can’t see the way they look at each other- the way they look at her- and think about John with his face buried between her legs as Chas fucks him.

Back in reality, they’re still arguing about theft.

“It’s about intent,” Zed calls, pitching her voice to be heard. John and Chas stop talking and look over at her, and Zed has to remind herself that this is not her daydream. “It doesn’t matter if someone thinks you’re only borrowing something. You aren’t borrowing it if you don’t intend to return it. And you can’t steal by accident. You can take by accident, and you can keep by accident. But you can’t accidentally intend to possess something that isn’t yours.”

Chas nods, looking satisfied. Zed must have wound up on his side.

John opens his mouth, probably to argue, but stops himself. “You’re still making dinner,” he says, lifting his chin.

Chas, who’s too accustomed to John to be bothered by the non sequitur, shrugs and walks away.

Zed doesn’t see John follow Chas with his eyes- she’s too preoccupied wishing he wore shorter shirts so she could actually check him out- but she knows that’s what he’s doing.

Just like she knows the solution to the unspoken stalemate John and Chas have reached.

  
  


**Part Two**

John wasn’t sure what Zed was after when she told him he was going with her to the art supply shop. They left Chas dozing on the sofa, looking more inviting than he’s got any right to, and if John hadn’t thought he’d wake Chas, he would have resisted being dragged along harder.

They’re in the aisle with the ocean of paints, which John idly looks at without taking anything in. He doesn’t know a thing about paint other than the obvious, and he’s so bored with the trip he’s almost interested in the little plaque comparing oil paints to acrylics.

He’s picked up a box of something called gouache and is looking for some clue as to what a jelly cup is and why it matters when Zed springs it on him. 

“Chas is in love with you.”

John freezes. 

“You knew that already, though, didn’t you?” Zed continues. Her voice is even, almost bored, as if she isn’t upending and mixing all the boxes in John’s life that he’s been carefully keeping separate. “I mean, he’s not exactly subtle, and you obviously love him, too.”

“Now, Zed-“

“So you love each other, but you love me, too. That’s where things are supposed to get tricky, aren’t they?”

Zed has a handful of individual tubes of paint. The one closest to John has the words “psychedelic pink” down the side of the tube in bright pink.

John could almost laugh. Manny told him the pennies from heaven were for Zed. She’s delightfully direct in some ways.

This, though. This isn’t delightful.

As if sensing his discomfort, Zed turns to face him fully.

“You and Chas can’t make it on your own,” she says, lifting her index finger. “That’s why you won’t chase him- you know you’d lose him. You and I would have good sex- amazing, even- but you rub me the wrong way too much for us to work on our own.” She uncurls her middle finger, pressing it to her index. “Chas and I might have a chance. Maybe. But he loves you, and he isn’t good staying away. You’d self-destruct even harder on your own, so he’d be compelled to stay with you. And when you aren’t being an ass, I care about you. I want to care for you.” She raises her ring finger. “We don’t work apart, but we could together.”

Morbidly curious, John glances at the college-age kid at the register. The kid’s eyes are wide- he’s hearing every word of this.

“Are you really proposing a threesome in the arts and crafts section?” John asks as he turns back to Zed.

Zed huffs, blowing a wayward section of hair out of her face. “No, I’m proposing you stop joking and let Chas and me love you.”

“You’d have to get Chas to agree.”

It’s a desperate gambit. John wants what Zed is offering. His palms itch with want for it. He can’t let her have this, though. He can’t be strung along just because he wants them.

Zed steps closer. And closer. The thick heels of her boots thud against the linoleum.

Barefoot, she's a bit shorter than he is. In these boots, they’re the same height.

He doesn’t take a step backward when she reaches a spot a hair’s breadth away, but she’s offering too much of what he wants. Staying in place hurts.

“I spoke Chas first,” Zed tells him. “He’s the one who was going to need his hand held. And I knew you wouldn’t say yes if Chas wasn’t a sure thing.”

Throat suddenly tight, John swallows hard.

“You expect me to take your word?”

“I don’t.”

Producing her phone from a pocket, Zed taps at the screen for a moment.

John slips up and glances at her chest where the deep v of her shirt shows off more of her than he’d realized earlier.

He makes himself refocus. He can’t think this is real until it’s real.

“Here we go,” Zed crows, tilting her phone so John can see the screen. “Take a look- it’s what Chas and I were talking about yesterday.”

The exchange is simple.

_ \- I’m telling John we want him tomorrow _

_ \- Be careful _

_ \- Of John? _

_ \- Of all of us _

“You know Chas.”

John swallows again. “I do.”

Zed leans in that little bit closer, the hand with her phone dipping and curling around the waistband of John’s trousers at his hip. Her mouth draws close enough to kiss, but she puts her free index finger to his lips. “That’s him, John. And this me. Do you want us?”

She’s warm even with the A/C blasting.

John nods.

“I need you to say it,” Zed says without moving her finger. “No backtracking later because you didn’t actually commit. You can leave if you want to, but you’re going to do it honestly.”

She’s more beautiful than anyone John’s ever seen. Her hair looks soft and smells sweet; her hands have calluses despite the lotion she’s always rubbing in.

He’s spent more time thinking about her hands and how they’d feel on his body than he’s ready to admit to honestly.

He’s thought about what she’d do if he touched her, if her magic would distort the physical feeling with his feelings or if she’d still feel his fingers on her skin.

He’s thought about Chas, too. He’s spent years thinking about Chas. Every possible thought has come to him at least once and still gets him hard.

Zed has thought about Chas and him. That’s what she’s telling him.

Chas has thought about Zed and John.

Zed has thought about John.

Chas has thought about John.

They want him.

John licks his lips without meaning to.

Zed’s eyes follow his tongue.

“I want you,” John tells her. “I want both of you.”

Zed’s expression shifts into a sunny smile. “Thank you.”

Then she slides her finger off his mouth and down to his tie, and before John can ask what she’s planning, she finally kisses him.

It isn’t a peck. She kisses him hard and backs him up against the display and tugs lightly on his tie when he starts to tip backward.

She wants him, and it feels so good, John is grabbing her shirt and balling it in his fists without meaning to.

If she notices, she doesn’t say anything. She opens her mouth, and he does the same because he wants this. In public, with anyone watching, he’ll make any noise she wants him to make for her.

The touch of her tongue to his makes his hips push against her; it would be embarrassing if it didn’t make her smile against his lips.

Her thigh slips between his, and John realizes with a distant sense of embarrassment that he might actually run off on her leg like this if she lets him.

She doesn’t.

“I am going to pay for these,” she says without pulling away. “Then you and I are going to get into the truck, I’m going to text Chas, and we’re going to do this.”

John nods and fights a groan as she pushes her thigh more firmly against him before she pulls away.

He watches her go, taking in the sway of her hips, the way her tight trousers are stretched around her ass. He can’t tell if she’s wearing underwear, but as she pulls her wallet out of her front pocket, he realizes she might tell him.

She might even show him.

And Chas will be there, too.

Taking a deep breath, John tries to think of something other than being kissed by Zed and Chas, but it’s all he can manage that isn’t the possibility of unzipping Zed’s trousers in the truck and going down on her.

And after he’s made her come, he’ll do the same for Chas.

  
  


**Part Three**

The hand Zed has wrapped around Chas’ wrist is squeezing hard enough to make the bones ache. He doesn’t tell her that, though. She’d only feel bad and let go, which isn’t what he wants.

He can understand her distraction. John’s had his face between her legs for a long time, keeping her on the edge with his tongue and his fingers, and from the noises Zed’s making and the way she can’t lie still, Chas gets the feeling John’s as good at going down on her as he is at going down on Chas.

It isn’t much of a surprise.

John loves this, and even without Zed’s telepathy to confirm it, Chas can feel and see how much John wants to make them come, especially when they’re all together.

His eyes flick between Zed and Chas as he moves his tongue over her clit.

It’s instinct that compels Chas to reach with the arm Zed’s clinging to and tangle his fingers in John’s hair. “Now isn’t the time to show off, John,” he says. “It’s been a long day. Let her come.”

He means it to sound stern, but it comes out soft.

John doesn’t argue, but he does tilt his head so he’s barely brushing Zed’s clit with the tip of his tongue.

Zed lets out a frustrated groan, her grip on Chas somehow getting even harder as she rolls her hips, trying to get John's tongue where she wants it.

But John’s in the mood to play around, so he doesn’t let her.

Normally, Chas would indulge him. It’s good to see John having fun, and Zed hasn’t had enough pleasure in her life. 

She’s been close for a while, though, and Chas doesn’t want to chance her deciding she’d be better off getting up and finishing on her own.

Ducking his head, he presses a trail of soft kisses up the side her breast to her nipple, which he runs his tongue over.

Zed’s breath hitches on a sigh, and when he glances up, her eyes are closed and her mouth is open as she draws quick breaths.

They haven’t been doing this long enough for Chas to be able to read her body perfectly, but he knows she likes it before her spare hand latches onto his head, pulling him even closer.

As he sucks a mark onto her breast, Chas slides his hand out of John’s hair and reaches between Zed’s legs. He fumbles a little, having to do it blind, but once he finds John’s fingers, which are slick and steadily moving in and out of her, it’s only a matter of dragging his own fingers up until he finds her clit.

The noise she makes when he gives it a firm stroke is almost pained.

Chas does it again, and Zed makes the noise again, only louder.

He tilts his wrist a bit to get a better angle, swapping his thumb for his index and middle fingers, then puts his tongue back on her nipple and as he makes her pants his name with his fingers.

It’s been a long time since Chas had sex that felt new. That’s not a bad thing, exactly- he’s a big fan of commitment, and he likes knowing how to make someone feel good. Familiar sex isn’t bad sex. There were nights when the only thing that kept him together was falling into the familiar motions of fucking Renee the way he’d been fucking her for years.

There’s something to be said for getting to learn what someone likes, though. Every time Zed groans or her breath catches, it means he’s doing a good job of figuring out what she likes. He tries to remember what he did, but he has time to memorize. She isn’t impatient; she fills his head with her pleasure at any attention he or John gives her.

He can feel her squirming now, moving against his fingers and John’s.

When he draws his fingers back, just to see what she’ll do, she groans and tries to drag his hand back into place.

John snorts. “Don’t bother, luv,” he advises. “You can’t make Chas go where he doesn’t want to.”

That’s not even close to true, but Zed isn’t in any shape to argue. She whines, and it’s enough to convince Chas he was right to tell John to hurry up and make her come. 

When he does reach for her clit again, his fingers bump into John’s tongue.

John hums, and Chas moves his fingers so he’s holding her open for John. He still feels John’s tongue between his fingers, but he knows from the way Zed’s breath is stuttering that she’s getting the brunt of it.

“Feels good?” Chas asks, just to touch base.

Zed makes a noise of confirmation just before John fits his mouth to her clit and sucks.

Chas does his best to keep her in place for John as she moans and jerks her hips, pushing her head back and exposing her throat as she does.

She’s sensitive everywhere, and Chas doesn’t think about it before he sucks a mark into the side of her neck.

John does something just right as Chas drags his teeth over the mark, and Zed comes.

Chas’ heart skips from the force of her feeling rushing through him.

John curses.

Zed keeps her eyes closed and breathes.

Moving his hand away so she can come down, Chas rubs his thumb over her hip. She likes that sort of touch; she sighs as she sags against him.

He doesn’t look, but he hears John kiss her softly.

They aren’t perfect. John is abrasive and Zed is secretive and Chas has flaws he’s happiest not addressing. They’re still good, though. They’re happier than not, and later, when Zed isn’t fighting the urge to beg, she’ll realize they covered her in marks and she won’t complain because they match the ones she left on them.

  
  


**Part Four**

Chas has always loved foreplay. There’s nothing like the feeling of working someone open, no way to recreate the little noises people make as they spread their legs so he can make them feel good.

Zed was already wet through her underwear by the time Chas and John slid them off, but Chas still takes his time fingering her open, his fingers slick with lube, letting her adjust to each finger and not adding another until she tells him she wants it.

By the time she’s comfortable with his third finger, they have a rhythm. She moves her hips in time with his hand, then moves them harder when he pauses, fucking herself on his fingers and whining at him without a touch of embarrassment.

John seems content to kiss her thighs- and up higher, until he’s just a hair’s breadth from her clit- but once Chas gets his thumb wet from Zed and starts teasing her clitc too, John moves to lick at Zed where she’s stretched around Chas’ fingers. He winds up licking Chas’ fingers a good deal, too, but knowing John, that’s probably what he wants.

Impulsively, Chas asks, “You like this?”

Zed moans. “You know I do,” she pants. “Fuck, Chas, you’re good at this.”

“And John? You like that, too?”

Back arching as Chas pushes her fingers into her a litter harder, more like the way she wants it when she’s been away from him and needs him to make her come as fast as he can, Zed nods. “It’s good. It’s so good.”

Chas could keep going, and he’d like to, but this is still new, and he can’t think anymore when he can finally see his fingers in Zed.

John stops licking at Chas’ fingers at some point and moves farther up, which Chas only notices because Zed suddenly starts fucking herself on his fingers hard even though he’s still fingering her and switches to Spanish right before she makes a noise that almost makes Chas come untouched.

John’s nose is pressed to the side of Zed’s face, and Chas knows John told her something that made her do that. He can’t guess what- John quickly figured out the kind of dirty talk that makes Zed whine and beg faster than Chas has thought possible- but Zed blinks at him, her breath slowing, and sighs happily.

They don’t give her time to come down all the way before Chas is slipping his fingers out and John is lining up and pushing in.

It’s something Zed has told them she likes.

“Let me breathe for a bit, then fuck me hard and I’ll come again,” she told them. “So if you’re up to fucking me more and I don’t tell you not to, you should assume that’s what I want.”

So that’s what they do.

John shifts down the bed, and Chas shifts back, making room for John between Zed’s spread thighs.

He watches John give himself a couple quick strokes. He’s tempted to reach other and give John a few more, but the window of time that Zed needs them to start fucking her again is short.

Chas brushes the backs of his fingers up John’s thigh instead.

John hums right before he pushes into Zed.

Through the hand Chas has on Zed’s leg, he feels her stretch around John. He feels the way it makes her body flush with heat, nearly on the edge again just from that.

John holds himself still for himself more than for Zed. She’s wet and loose and getting desperate to come again.

This time Chas doesn’t fight the impulse to reach forward and touch.

John moans when Chas presses behind his balls wih the knuckle of one hand.

Zed whines when Chas follows John’s cock to her body and traces the place where they’re joined with the tip of his finger.

Feeling how full Zed is, how perfectly John stretches her, Chas has to bite his tongue and move his hand to Zed’s leg. John still isn’t fucking her yet, but he’s started slowly rocking his hips. 

“Zed,” he says, almost idle.

She makes a noise.

“Remember the talk we had? About me and Chas?”

She makes the noise again.

“I think we’re gonna do that now. Provided you’re up for it, of course.”

She nods, but John doesn’t explain to Chas what’s going on. Instead he leans forward and says, “I know how much you’ve said you want it, and I can feel how wet you are- I’ve felt how wet you get when we’ve talked about it. But I need you to tell me you want it, luv. I’ve got to hear you tell me this is really what you want.”

Zed doesn’t reply for a long moment.

Chas waits, confused but knowing not to interrupt.

“I want it,” Zed says eventually. “What we said- about you two. And me. I want it, John. I really, really want it.”

“Then you’ll just have to lie back and let us give you what you want,” John replies. He dips his head to kiss her, and Chas’ belly burns at the sight of them together. It isn’t bad like he’d feared when they started; John and Zed look good together.

Breaking the kiss, John leans back up and throws a heated look Chas’ way. “I hope you ate your Wheaties,” he says, mouth turning up in a warm smile that feels out of place but looks good on him. “We are going to make Zed come so hard she doesn’t walk for a week.”

Stretching up and forward, Chas checks Zed’s expression. She meets his eyes and nods, eyes hot.

Chas nods back.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees John pull back enough to start fucking Zed the way she wants, and before John can, Chas leans in and kisses him.

It still makes Chas’ head spin that he can kiss John like this.

“Hold her legs up for me?” John asks when Zed reaches out and lightly smacks his arm.

Chas nods and shifts to the head of the bed so he can guide Zed’s knees to her chest. Her legs move easily, and Chas is reminded of the agonizing hours he and John spent watching her go through routine after routine of stretching.

John braces one hand on the bed by Zed’s waist, the other brushing over her belly, and Zed puts her hands on either side of Chas’ head, pulling him in for a quick kiss.

“Watch,” she orders.

Chas looks down her body just in time to see John snap his hips.

Zed gasps, which turns into a moan. Her fingers dig into Chas’ hair.

Chas is hard and vaguely aware that he might come before Zed needs him to fuck her, but for now, he’s all right watching John set a hard pace, pushing into Zed hard enough to make her shift up the bed.

Zed doesn’t complain. Every time John drives his hips into her, she makes a noise like she’s never felt anything better.

“Try not to come too fast,” John tells her, and Chas realizes with a start that Zed’s breathing fast like she’s already close.

John’s barely touched her clit, but she’s clinging to Chas like she’s ready.

“She wants to feel us both,” John says, startling Chas. He’s taken his fingers off Zed’s clit and slowed his pace, and when Chas frowns at him, he leans closer, drawing a moan from Zed at the different angle. “Think you can manage it?”

Chas swallows.

“I can manage it.”

“Good. Now keep holding her like you have been and tell her how good she looks getting fucked.”

Chas does, praising Zed and encouraging John until Zed comes a second time and it’s Chas’ turn to bite his tongue as John strokes him with a lube-slick hand and tell Zed she can’t come until John tells her she can.

They make her come four times before she decides she’s gotten what she wanted and she lies back, panting and sleepy but awake enough to watch John push Chas onto his back and suck him off.

The next morning, as promised, Zed doesn’t get up and go for her usual morning walk, so Chas brings her breakfast in bed.

She smiles at him, and Chas smiles back.

John, newly awake and hungry, chooses that moment to try to steal a pancake.

Chas kisses them both.

**Author's Note:**

> guess who didn't proofread this


End file.
